I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
