my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
