dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
