btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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