The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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