youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
