I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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