I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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