I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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