She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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