I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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