Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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