none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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