Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
