She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
