Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
