Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
