I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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