Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
