Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
