A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
