apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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