umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
