We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
