We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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