I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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