I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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