Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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