We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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