I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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