Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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