So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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