Ambien. No doubt about it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
