Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
