Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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