I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
