His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
