I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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