I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
