I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
