Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
