dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I understand Curling. That high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
