Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
