Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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