I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
