Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I will be naked everywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
