dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
