i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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