I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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