You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
