I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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