My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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