I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
