She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
