Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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