After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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