Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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