How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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