I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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