you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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